Get that finger out of your ear..you don’t know where that fingers been! - wise words from the classic screwball comedy AIRPLANE.
I find myself in a similar quandary of where my finger snuck off to to cause my current predicament. I will spare my readers the Ewwy details but describe my appendage as a once shiny metrosexual digit that enjoyed the occasional belly scratch, Peanut Butter lick or baby tickle. It was a few days ago when I first noticed the tip of my pointer finger taking on the appearance of an agry body builder on steroids. It started to grow in size and girth and also became an unusual shade of red. it reminded me of when I floss my teeth and forget that you wrapped the tiny rope one time too tight cutting off the circulation.
I dismissed the new look as a temporary finger tantrum and ordered it to swell back down when it was done with its fit of rage. For the days that followed I didn’t pay my finger too much notice as I typed my e-mails, clicked the remote or pointed my finger in the air during disco dances with my daughter. But I was only pretending, avoiding the inevitable..the 800 pound gorilla finger in the room. My brain knew what had to be done but my heart and mostly my stomach couldn’t cope with what had to be done..Confrontation!
I started to Google possible causes of finger swollenstation..Atleast that’s what I diagnosed my problem as. urns out there are 2115 possible causes of what can cause a finger to suddenly balloon up!! I became obsessed with words such as Alpha-hydroxyphenylpyruvate hydroxylase deficiency or Hydroxyglutaricaciduria..I started to back track every place I took my finger too and every shady person I shook hands with..every piece of fast food that may have contained the genetic ingrediatnts to cause my finger to go all loony on me.
The expression the simplest explanation is the correct one lingered in my brain as It finally dawned on me that Machismo lifestyle of cutting my own fingernails was probably the culprit that did my finger in.
So I visited the hand doctor today. They shot my hand with Novocain and I watched the muscles slowly go to sleep as I counted backwards from five on my hand. The doctor was a very nice man that recorded everything on something called a tape recorder. He asked me if I wanted to watch the fun stuff pour out of me as if my frozen face of fear gave him the impression I am into watching Vulcan green slime depart my fragile body.
In the end I was all bandaged up..I whimpered like a baby to all that would hear me and two hours and two pain killers later I am back at my blog writing about my fun finger experience. I forgive my finger for whatever distasteful activites it was involved in and know that whatever mischief it was up to it got what it deserved. I tell this tale as a warning to all men that choose not to live the metrosexual life, listen to their significant others and dare to be the only guy in the asian nail salon getting a Mani,- suck it up or the doctor may one day be sucking up your finger!!
Keep pointing and Row Your Boat!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
SIDEWAYS IN THE NORTH FORK
Each year when the trees start to bud, I retire my Harry Potter scarf and my wife prepares for her vacation from towering over 10 year olds I take the time to reflect the coming season and plan a much needed weekend getaway.
Considering I acquire only .85 of a full vacation day each month I have to use my time off wisely. Past Spring getaways have consisted of trips to South Beach (Mr and Mrs Delano trendy), Puerto Rico (Rice and Beans), Newport for SPA and scones and Hershey Park - which resulted in me getting sick on the Super Dooper Looper for the second time in my life..the first was 1986 and I threw up on my summer camp crush!
This year I began to surf the web for nearby destinations that would not only bring me the much desired relaxation and culture but would also not completely spend my entire Tax refund all in one Sat night. After much back and forth I decided to stay within New York but was determined to find an unexplored area that would live up to my unattainable Hollywood dream weekend..as it turned out I actually found such a place. Its the Napa Valley of the Hamptons otherwise known as the North Fork.
At first the thought of an ol time bed and breakfast was perceived as a turnoff. Yes I have a passion for antiques and all things described as vintage but the majority of the places that I researched were actual antiques including the sheets and blankets. Its one thing to have the decor of simpler times but another to sleep in a bed that George Washington may have cuddled in. Knowing the qualifications of my better half I ventured on until I found a unique place in the town of Mattituck. It was an old 1800 farmhouse converted into a modern anthropology catalogesqe bed and breakfast while also being on a working vineyard. The place was called Shinn Farms. named after one of the owners. The place is run by Chef-turned-winemaker David Page and his wife, Barbara Shinn. They actually also own the West Village Brunch Hot Spot HOME. It didn’t take much convincing for me and the wife to confirm our weekend and book our trip.
A Whino we will go...
I do not pretend to be anything close to a wine connoisseur. Yes I took a wine tasting class in Florence Italy where I spent my siesta days learning the proper etiquette of how to taste a fine wine..I learned the technique of smelling the wine by sticking your beak fully into the glass, the mastering of the glass swirl as you allow the wine to breathe and check for color and clarity..then the sensory methods of swishing the wine around your taste buds. All this before you can be allowed to fully swallow. Did I mention that I was 20 years old when I took this class and all I really cared about was how drunk I can get before I head off to the duomo to stare at architecture followed by my cigarette and daily tiramisu. But years later I still find myself doing the swirl, swish swallow combination even to the comic relief of my wife and friends at the local pizzeria on free Chianti night during my Shrimp parm dinner special.
My second experience into the world of wines came with the screening of the masterpiece film SIDEWAYS. I was blown away by the culture of Napa Valley, the characters perfectly written dialogue describing their love for the vine and how a certain grape perfectly natured and nurtured could define a person's entire outlook on life. I found myself becoming obsessed with educating myself on the different types of wines that I always took for granted. I especially sought after finding the perfect Pinot Noir if only to try to fully understand what Paul Giamattis character so beautifully expressed in the film's most poignant scene..
"Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... Ancient on the planet."
I came close to pursuing a life long fascination with wine but alas my fickle mind wandered shortly after onto other film obsessions such as samurai swords in Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2 I believe. Nevertheless I remain a wine lover and as the years passed and I discovered new preferences of what my tongue/palate preferred I always hoped to one day get to experience my very own SIDEWAYS adventure.
Flash forward to April 11th as my wife and I are driving 20 miles per hour in the worst rain storm this season on the way to the Shinn Estate Farms in North Fork. We arrived with minutes remaining to the vineyards last wine tasting of the day. We ran inside for shelter from the pounding rain and stretched our tired legs inside the farms wood paneled tasting room. We were welcomed by a lovely lady who we named Rosey since we never caught her name. After hours of driving we finally made it to total relaxation! I taught my wife the techniques I had learned abroad as we tasted the farms many varieties of wines from table red and white to more complicated bottles of chardonnay’s, merlot and Cabernets. Our personal favorite wheich we bought a few bottles of as our weekend came to an end was
the Shinn’s 2008 Coalescence (a $14 bargain). It is a strikingly grapefruity, creamy mix of chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, viognier and fermented white juice of red merlot grapes. Its bouquet evokes a meadow on a late-summer afternoon (Not my critique by the way).
The Bed and breakfast was everything we hoped for. A very well decorated common area greeted you as you entered your new home. the common room was filled with built in wall shelves filled with cook books from all over the world spanning over a hundred years. My eyes lit up as I was greeted to the sounds of classic 80's REM, the pot belly stove in the corner and a large leather chair wishing me to sit in its groove and enjoy a complimentary class of house red along with a large cheese plate of different local Hamptons bries. I was in a whole new level of happy!
The rest of the weekend is a thin red velvety blur as I sunk deeper and deeper into uttler care free tranquility. I ended my night by sinking into the rooms Egyptian sheets with an unusually high thread count and I was out into dreamland until I awoke to the sunlight rising over the vineyards blossoming fields.
The breakfast the farmhouse prepared for us was delicious. It was a large fritta that was cooked I am sure in an equally large skillet. It was made with goat cheese, leeks, potatoes and herbs and came with fresh baked scones and homemade jams.
It was only one night but I couldn't believe how such a simple getaway could bring me such a newly discovered level of satisfaction. I highly recommend Shinn Estate Farms to those with the desire to tap into their inner Sideways. Back to reality and continue rowing you’re bought until the next getaway!
www.shinnestatevineyards.com
www.shinnfarmhouse.com
Considering I acquire only .85 of a full vacation day each month I have to use my time off wisely. Past Spring getaways have consisted of trips to South Beach (Mr and Mrs Delano trendy), Puerto Rico (Rice and Beans), Newport for SPA and scones and Hershey Park - which resulted in me getting sick on the Super Dooper Looper for the second time in my life..the first was 1986 and I threw up on my summer camp crush!
This year I began to surf the web for nearby destinations that would not only bring me the much desired relaxation and culture but would also not completely spend my entire Tax refund all in one Sat night. After much back and forth I decided to stay within New York but was determined to find an unexplored area that would live up to my unattainable Hollywood dream weekend..as it turned out I actually found such a place. Its the Napa Valley of the Hamptons otherwise known as the North Fork.
At first the thought of an ol time bed and breakfast was perceived as a turnoff. Yes I have a passion for antiques and all things described as vintage but the majority of the places that I researched were actual antiques including the sheets and blankets. Its one thing to have the decor of simpler times but another to sleep in a bed that George Washington may have cuddled in. Knowing the qualifications of my better half I ventured on until I found a unique place in the town of Mattituck. It was an old 1800 farmhouse converted into a modern anthropology catalogesqe bed and breakfast while also being on a working vineyard. The place was called Shinn Farms. named after one of the owners. The place is run by Chef-turned-winemaker David Page and his wife, Barbara Shinn. They actually also own the West Village Brunch Hot Spot HOME. It didn’t take much convincing for me and the wife to confirm our weekend and book our trip.
A Whino we will go...
I do not pretend to be anything close to a wine connoisseur. Yes I took a wine tasting class in Florence Italy where I spent my siesta days learning the proper etiquette of how to taste a fine wine..I learned the technique of smelling the wine by sticking your beak fully into the glass, the mastering of the glass swirl as you allow the wine to breathe and check for color and clarity..then the sensory methods of swishing the wine around your taste buds. All this before you can be allowed to fully swallow. Did I mention that I was 20 years old when I took this class and all I really cared about was how drunk I can get before I head off to the duomo to stare at architecture followed by my cigarette and daily tiramisu. But years later I still find myself doing the swirl, swish swallow combination even to the comic relief of my wife and friends at the local pizzeria on free Chianti night during my Shrimp parm dinner special.
My second experience into the world of wines came with the screening of the masterpiece film SIDEWAYS. I was blown away by the culture of Napa Valley, the characters perfectly written dialogue describing their love for the vine and how a certain grape perfectly natured and nurtured could define a person's entire outlook on life. I found myself becoming obsessed with educating myself on the different types of wines that I always took for granted. I especially sought after finding the perfect Pinot Noir if only to try to fully understand what Paul Giamattis character so beautifully expressed in the film's most poignant scene..
"Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... Ancient on the planet."
I came close to pursuing a life long fascination with wine but alas my fickle mind wandered shortly after onto other film obsessions such as samurai swords in Kill Bill Volume 1 and 2 I believe. Nevertheless I remain a wine lover and as the years passed and I discovered new preferences of what my tongue/palate preferred I always hoped to one day get to experience my very own SIDEWAYS adventure.
Flash forward to April 11th as my wife and I are driving 20 miles per hour in the worst rain storm this season on the way to the Shinn Estate Farms in North Fork. We arrived with minutes remaining to the vineyards last wine tasting of the day. We ran inside for shelter from the pounding rain and stretched our tired legs inside the farms wood paneled tasting room. We were welcomed by a lovely lady who we named Rosey since we never caught her name. After hours of driving we finally made it to total relaxation! I taught my wife the techniques I had learned abroad as we tasted the farms many varieties of wines from table red and white to more complicated bottles of chardonnay’s, merlot and Cabernets. Our personal favorite wheich we bought a few bottles of as our weekend came to an end was
the Shinn’s 2008 Coalescence (a $14 bargain). It is a strikingly grapefruity, creamy mix of chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, viognier and fermented white juice of red merlot grapes. Its bouquet evokes a meadow on a late-summer afternoon (Not my critique by the way).
The Bed and breakfast was everything we hoped for. A very well decorated common area greeted you as you entered your new home. the common room was filled with built in wall shelves filled with cook books from all over the world spanning over a hundred years. My eyes lit up as I was greeted to the sounds of classic 80's REM, the pot belly stove in the corner and a large leather chair wishing me to sit in its groove and enjoy a complimentary class of house red along with a large cheese plate of different local Hamptons bries. I was in a whole new level of happy!
The rest of the weekend is a thin red velvety blur as I sunk deeper and deeper into uttler care free tranquility. I ended my night by sinking into the rooms Egyptian sheets with an unusually high thread count and I was out into dreamland until I awoke to the sunlight rising over the vineyards blossoming fields.
The breakfast the farmhouse prepared for us was delicious. It was a large fritta that was cooked I am sure in an equally large skillet. It was made with goat cheese, leeks, potatoes and herbs and came with fresh baked scones and homemade jams.
It was only one night but I couldn't believe how such a simple getaway could bring me such a newly discovered level of satisfaction. I highly recommend Shinn Estate Farms to those with the desire to tap into their inner Sideways. Back to reality and continue rowing you’re bought until the next getaway!
www.shinnestatevineyards.com
www.shinnfarmhouse.com
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Are we really living life to the fullest?
I was riding the train into the big Apple this morning ( blackberry in hand) exploring my favorite websites for the latest Hollywood stories, Lost Spoilers and TMZ gossip when I came upon an interesting story on CNN.com. It was in the Lifestyle section which as of late I have been really enjoying with their hysterically clever editorials on marriage, parenthood and all things adult like.
The story is titled "your'e going to die the way you live." First off I always make it a point to click on to any site that starts off with You're going to die..just to make sure it isn’t directly related to me to interrupt my morning web surfing. What I discovered though was a fascinating piece of writing about how people across this country deal with their final months of life when faced with the dreaded Doctors prognosis of any disease with the word Terminal before it.
The article starts off with a story of a man from San Diego, or as in Spanish is called Whales Vagine" - bad attempt at Anchorman humor. This man was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had at best five months to live, However he didn't immediately begin the chemotherapy treatments his doctor recommended. Instead, he and his wife drove up the California coast and spent a week among the redwoods north of San Francisco. Other personal stories were explored which I will not do a copy and paste job on to fill up this blog but the important theme of the story is what really had an impact on me. Not so much that I too have never seen the San Fran Redwoods but the basic human subconscious started to rise to the surface forcing me to ponder how I would choose to live out my final days. Morbid, philosophical thoughts on such a normal Hump Day but the topic at mind started to overwhelm me.
For starters we have all thought about death, if not voluntarily than through tragedy on the daily news or watching Jack Bauer add to his body count with each passing hour. Hopefully you do not think about death as much as the average man thinks about sex but I imagine the thought of the end of days pops into the average mind at least once or twice a day. I know that I think about the nothing that may await every time I get a paper cut or have indigestion from that unnecessary Quiznos sub. Or as of lately when dealing with the sad circumstances of accepting my parents getting older with emerging ailments or internal complications..
I for one live a pretty basic life spent staring at a computer screen daily for most of my paid 8 hours a day followed by staring at a TV for most of my unpaid 4 hours of night. If suddenly I was hit with the news that shall not be named I wonder how I would truly choose to live out my days. Granted anyone can kick the bucket at any time in any conceivable split second event and that doesn’t stop us from never leaving our homes. I can conceivably see myself taking that trip around the world..to do that bucket list and skydive out of a jet plane into a shark infested reef only to swim to shore where a Hawaiian Masseuse was waiting for me with two banana daiquiris for me to double fist in the 80 degree sun. Or maybe I'll go out renegade style and hijack a truck of illegal weed from Mexican Smuggles and go on a final Hunter Thompson cross country trip stopping off at every roadside BBQ joint for the search for the perfect ribs hosting a never aired Food Network show only airing in my mind..that is until the cartel find me and throw me off the Grand Canyon.
Alas I know deep down that I would probably choose to live out my days with my family, writing JJ Abrahams for the answers I desperately seek while promising to take those answers to the netherworld while at least double fisting makeshift cocktails in my suburban apt. I also would make an effort to Google images of those redwood trees just to feel that I also saw what San Diego man saw if only in pixel form. This is all existential shit to ponder on such a holy day at the start of Matza week..but I know that I will always have tons more than the four questions I will ask tonight and hope that I too can live life to the fullest, never sweat the small stuff, always spit towards the evil eye and always make sure to watch the ending of American Beauty from time to time to remind me how insignificant this life is and to enjoy every damn minute of it.
In the end that’s what this Lifestyle article did for me this morning and as thankful as I am to have You Tube, TV, Movie Theatres and any other exacapism technology that make us all forget about the inevitable I will continue to row my boat and live merrily with the gift of life to the fullest.
The story is titled "your'e going to die the way you live." First off I always make it a point to click on to any site that starts off with You're going to die..just to make sure it isn’t directly related to me to interrupt my morning web surfing. What I discovered though was a fascinating piece of writing about how people across this country deal with their final months of life when faced with the dreaded Doctors prognosis of any disease with the word Terminal before it.
The article starts off with a story of a man from San Diego, or as in Spanish is called Whales Vagine" - bad attempt at Anchorman humor. This man was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had at best five months to live, However he didn't immediately begin the chemotherapy treatments his doctor recommended. Instead, he and his wife drove up the California coast and spent a week among the redwoods north of San Francisco. Other personal stories were explored which I will not do a copy and paste job on to fill up this blog but the important theme of the story is what really had an impact on me. Not so much that I too have never seen the San Fran Redwoods but the basic human subconscious started to rise to the surface forcing me to ponder how I would choose to live out my final days. Morbid, philosophical thoughts on such a normal Hump Day but the topic at mind started to overwhelm me.
For starters we have all thought about death, if not voluntarily than through tragedy on the daily news or watching Jack Bauer add to his body count with each passing hour. Hopefully you do not think about death as much as the average man thinks about sex but I imagine the thought of the end of days pops into the average mind at least once or twice a day. I know that I think about the nothing that may await every time I get a paper cut or have indigestion from that unnecessary Quiznos sub. Or as of lately when dealing with the sad circumstances of accepting my parents getting older with emerging ailments or internal complications..
I for one live a pretty basic life spent staring at a computer screen daily for most of my paid 8 hours a day followed by staring at a TV for most of my unpaid 4 hours of night. If suddenly I was hit with the news that shall not be named I wonder how I would truly choose to live out my days. Granted anyone can kick the bucket at any time in any conceivable split second event and that doesn’t stop us from never leaving our homes. I can conceivably see myself taking that trip around the world..to do that bucket list and skydive out of a jet plane into a shark infested reef only to swim to shore where a Hawaiian Masseuse was waiting for me with two banana daiquiris for me to double fist in the 80 degree sun. Or maybe I'll go out renegade style and hijack a truck of illegal weed from Mexican Smuggles and go on a final Hunter Thompson cross country trip stopping off at every roadside BBQ joint for the search for the perfect ribs hosting a never aired Food Network show only airing in my mind..that is until the cartel find me and throw me off the Grand Canyon.
Alas I know deep down that I would probably choose to live out my days with my family, writing JJ Abrahams for the answers I desperately seek while promising to take those answers to the netherworld while at least double fisting makeshift cocktails in my suburban apt. I also would make an effort to Google images of those redwood trees just to feel that I also saw what San Diego man saw if only in pixel form. This is all existential shit to ponder on such a holy day at the start of Matza week..but I know that I will always have tons more than the four questions I will ask tonight and hope that I too can live life to the fullest, never sweat the small stuff, always spit towards the evil eye and always make sure to watch the ending of American Beauty from time to time to remind me how insignificant this life is and to enjoy every damn minute of it.
In the end that’s what this Lifestyle article did for me this morning and as thankful as I am to have You Tube, TV, Movie Theatres and any other exacapism technology that make us all forget about the inevitable I will continue to row my boat and live merrily with the gift of life to the fullest.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A date that will go down in.
Blog Date - April 7th, 2009 - a date that will go down in..well in my blog :)
I may be late to the blogging game but feel I can be an important player if anything to utilize the cyberspace to record down the vast space in my mind. I feel I have lots to say and during my current reflection realize the last time I actually jotted down any thoughts to digital paper was pre millennium.
Let me reveal to the soon to be one follower of this blog a little bit o info about I the host blogger. I am in my early thirties but feel that I have just started to reach the standard maturity levels accepted by society. I am new Daddy of a beautiful and semi gifted (Biased much?) almost 2 year old daughter...I expect a large part of this blog to center around this aspect of my life rather than recalling up all the embarrassing stories in my youth that may confirm to you readers that I have a long way to go to truly achieve maximum maturity. I am a creative, left brained, Jewish, Intellectual..quite the minority in New York I know. The rest of my manufactured profiles can be found on my personal FBook pages so I will try my best to stick to my main objective which is me rambling on with random thoughts. I am sure more will be revealed about your host during these rants and I will do my best to use my left hand to prevent my right hand from deleting anything of importance as it spews out of me..with the exception of spellcheck (the greatest computer invention ever!) since I don't want to come off as someone without a college education.
I apologize in advance for the soon to be abundance of run on sentences since for every occasional mispelled letter I also forget the correct needed punctuation from time to time. My blogs can sometimes take the form of a Woody Allen monologue, a backended critisism my 9th grade english teacher gave me which I still consider to be praise for my unique style of writing.
Over time when my mind wanders I will return to this blog with different topics to discuss and hope that I get out of this experience an unexpected surprise and if we can all learn something together to make the world a better place than perhaps the date of April 7th can actually hold some meaning - atleast to me..other than the day I skipped out on work to start a Blog!
I may be late to the blogging game but feel I can be an important player if anything to utilize the cyberspace to record down the vast space in my mind. I feel I have lots to say and during my current reflection realize the last time I actually jotted down any thoughts to digital paper was pre millennium.
Let me reveal to the soon to be one follower of this blog a little bit o info about I the host blogger. I am in my early thirties but feel that I have just started to reach the standard maturity levels accepted by society. I am new Daddy of a beautiful and semi gifted (Biased much?) almost 2 year old daughter...I expect a large part of this blog to center around this aspect of my life rather than recalling up all the embarrassing stories in my youth that may confirm to you readers that I have a long way to go to truly achieve maximum maturity. I am a creative, left brained, Jewish, Intellectual..quite the minority in New York I know. The rest of my manufactured profiles can be found on my personal FBook pages so I will try my best to stick to my main objective which is me rambling on with random thoughts. I am sure more will be revealed about your host during these rants and I will do my best to use my left hand to prevent my right hand from deleting anything of importance as it spews out of me..with the exception of spellcheck (the greatest computer invention ever!) since I don't want to come off as someone without a college education.
I apologize in advance for the soon to be abundance of run on sentences since for every occasional mispelled letter I also forget the correct needed punctuation from time to time. My blogs can sometimes take the form of a Woody Allen monologue, a backended critisism my 9th grade english teacher gave me which I still consider to be praise for my unique style of writing.
Over time when my mind wanders I will return to this blog with different topics to discuss and hope that I get out of this experience an unexpected surprise and if we can all learn something together to make the world a better place than perhaps the date of April 7th can actually hold some meaning - atleast to me..other than the day I skipped out on work to start a Blog!
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